Refresh: Origin

This isn't profoundly biblical, but I thought I would share why I call this blog Refresh; in case anyone is curious.

It roots from a song by Bethany Dillon called Revolutionaries.

"Your flood of empty words will drown you in ruin.... Your flood of life-giving words--they will refresh."

This should also explain why I write so little. My debates over how empty or irrelevant my commentary is lasts a while. Is what God is telling me for solely my heart at the time or do I share the encouragement? The stuff that God shows me has to sit with me awhile before I feel I can share it truthfully or with a challenge for the general public attached to it (then there's writing and editing it!). If I can't string Scripture together, chances are I'll put it in the "flood of empty words" and not post it.
It is my hope that Refresh will live up to its name, that your hearts will be renewed with a new revelation of God and a passion for your Savior--despite how few and far between the posts!

Honestly, I'm coming back to Christ from dust and ashes, opening the Bible a little more, and becoming in Christ more intentional in my obedience (key to any momentum in one's intimacy with Jesus, not just a devotional page). I pray that Refresh will sprout shortly with practical wisdom and inspiration for loving the faithful and all-powerful Redeemer.

His Name is Jesus

The LORD builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:2-3

For He looked down from His holy height; from heaven the LORD gazed upon the earth, to hear the groaning of the prisoner, to set free those who were doomed to death. Psalm 102:19-20

For the LORD takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation and adorn the wretched with victory. Psalm 149:4 (Amplified)

....Christ, who is the image of God. 2 Corinthians 4:4

Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and out a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:25-26

And on this mountain He will swallow up the covering which is over all peoples, even the veil which is stretched over all nations. He will swallow up death for all time, and the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces, and He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; for the LORD has spoken. And it will be said in that day, "Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited that He might save us. This is the LORD for whom we have waited; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation." Isaiah 25:7-9

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried; yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crush for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed. Isaiah 53:4-5

You are of purer eyes than to behold evil and can not look inactively upon injustice. Habakkuk 1:13 (Amplified)

And behold you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. Luke 1:31

Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, for He has visited us and accomplished redemption for His people....to grant us that we, being rescued from the hand of our enemies, mights serve Him without fear, in holiness and righteousness before Him all our days. Luke 1:68,74-75

And the face-cloth which had been been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings, but rolled up in a place by itself. John 20:7

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

This is the hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever according to the order Melchizedek. Hebrews 6:19-20

...Putting my laws into their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Hebrews 8:10

NASB used unless otherwise specified

Confessions of a Heart Losing Hope

"Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not lose heart." Luke 18:1
The parable is of a widow going to a judge over and over again until she receives justice, and Jesus concludes that God, more than willingly than the earthly judge, brings about justice for His people, then asks if He will find faith on earth when He comes back.

My first confession: This story has always grated against me.

This is partly because I know the glory and provision of God to be trustworthy and then get burned out going after it. Or I compare others' pursuit of the same God to mine and jealously wonder where the heck I got off to. But I know God well enough to know firsthand that I don't have to be a widow for Him to act on my behalf.
The widow is not the point of the parable.

Confession #2:
I don't have a job yet, and when I make follow-up calls, I don't even hope.
It's a fight not going into interviews this way, especially when the positions are not particularly what I desire.

I'm not a consistent prayer warrior but I understand the obligations of it and put forth some effort some of the time. This passage, however, addresses the condition of my heart. It's not particularly evil that I'm making all these calls and interviews so I'm blameless in the fact I'm unemployed vs. doing it out of hope.
But my defensive approach to integrity isn't the point of the passage either.

Jesus' point in His parable is not based on my situation in life or how it defines me, rather it is based on a just God. He is our Father, our Judge, our Defender and Provider. He is a God worthy of fearing and worthy of our hope. Romans 5:5- He's worth hoping in because He is the hope that doesn't disappoint.

So am I going to believe Him til the day He comes or stand surprised at coming because I hardly recognize my Savior? I don't recognize how capable and willing He is, and therefore I don't bother asking. This is wrong. I need to stop. My actions need to be as persistent as my Hope; I know He is more than able and more than willing.

Confession #3: People have more faith than I that God must have an incredible job lined up for me since I've had to wait this long already. It must be more than I could ask or imagine. (I can imagine quite a bit.)

For two weeks I've settled comfortably in despair. My coping mechanism (and sin nature) is to no longer expect anything that I want and just be prepared for a boring, stressful job that I'll want to quit after orientation and have to "persevere" through until the year's up and I can start a painful transfer process that will mirror, no doubt, my current job hunt.

Yet every voice besides my own is telling me what I've written in my third confession. So who's right? Judging by the fruits of the Spirit in my lives and the many people telling me what great things God has in store for me, I'm not the one walking closest to Him at this point. I'm not even hearing words reflecting God's Word.

I'm going to have to believe what God is telling these people and trying to get through my head and, no matter what my job hunt looks like and how much I wish people would stop asking, I'm going to have to not lose hope.

Looking for Peace

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Today I prayed with Deborah over everything in life I hate, and it was the closest to humble I've been for a few weeks. With the song Everlasting God running through my head, Deborah's words started answering the echoes of my one-sided prayer last night about how I have no peace.
God was really present, reminded me--more than just a vague inclination--what He means to do with my life and that I can't stray too far that He can't bring me close and bring me low in order that He may complete His work in me.

So now I'm sitting at the computer with my Bible open for the first time in 3 or 4 weeks, hoping to rediscover the Christ-like mindset of a living sacrifice (vs. the-world-is-out-to-get-me attitude I wrote about earlier), thirsting for peace and repentance.

Lord, open my eyes and give me the faith, because nothing incomprehensibly great is guarding my heart and mind, which means I could stand a little more Jesus in my perception.

Short Story

The stillness of the night approached, and every intention it held was unseen. Unseen, yet strong. The darkness became bitter cold, stealing all warmth, chilling each breath. Fear beckoned to my body, and though I dare not look at its source, I had no choice but to give in to its despair.
My surroundings began to fall. All that I once thought strong crashed to the ground with seemingly little effort, leaving a train of scraps where bridges and tall buildings one stood. Flames engulfed all that stood in its way. Winds blew harsh and bitter, and death claimed everything that once had life. The winds never ceased to blow harder but would not put out the flames, only fanning them further, enhancing their power. Each wind robbed me of my tears, my only comfort. The air became toxic, fumes unbreathable. I choked, every breath piercing my heart. My very heart was becoming cold; its rhythmic beat slowly freezing inside of me. Though fire be around me, I did not want the warmth it offered.
My enemy advanced toward me and devoured my flesh, leaving wounds deeper than my skin. I felt my strength weakening and all my life ceasing, and still my enemy advanced. In gruesome ways he tried to draw me toward him. He recognized my helpless state. I couldn’t escape his hideous face and pitiless laugh. I whirled away intending to run—had I, I would have fallen into caverns of darkness, forever being swallowed in death and its nothingness. Darkness climbed uncontrollably and grew in its power. My enemy stretched his hand toward me, and I was unable to turn away from it. Fear had taken full toll on me and caused me to scream as I apprehended the extent of the pain inflicting me.
I looked everywhere, seeking something in my desperation. But everywhere I looked horror after horror met me. I searched one more time and my heart became thing, losing all hope. With no sign of its direction, I saw a white cloud, formless with splendor, becoming larger in size and wonder. As it did, a magnificent horse took shape as from the cloud and emerged majestically. The shape of its rider was soon unveiled, and He raised a weapon with His hidden hand. I knew this man whose majesty was incomparable, yet never had I seen Him before! Every part of me longed to know Him more intimately!
Like a shining light, He was illuminating darkness and piercing its death. He yielded a sword and in it His face was reflected. The fully drawn blade was glorified by His reflection.
He turned towards His enemy. His eyes lit with fire. With one word He hushed the winds blowing harsh on my broken skin. He gained speed upon the storms He commanded, and with His sword He crushed the hand that sought to kill me. I did not know of such power and I fell to my knees, ashamed, unable to look upon His beautiful face. I was willing to do whatever this Man said. I feared Him, yet all my comfort was found in Him. He reached for me and gently lifted my face. As our eyes met, He bent down and gently kissed me. “Beloved,” He said, “Even this night I sand to you love songs though many went unheard. I gave you strength that did not fail, for you did accept death as it ruled in your life. I have come now to win the war.”
His wrath fell upon our enemy’s hatred and all that it had caused. He battled with every ounce of His boundless strength. Mercilessly He fought them and burned their flames with the same fire dwelling in His eyes. With one final blow from His sharp sword, He vanquished our enemy, but not without cost. They had penetrated His side with their own evil blow before being utterly defeated.
I saw now that I was His deepest desire, and nothing would pull me from Him. He loves me with the purest love, and it drove Him to battle so that He could win my life. Crying, I was shocked and confused by the wound He sustained. I rushed to His side, which was crimson with blood. He had willingly fought, ready to give His life for my dead and dying soul. How could this be? He deserved no pain!
I touched His wound, frightened by what may happen. His blood ran over me, entering and healing every one of my wounds until it had reached my heart. I gazed upon His face; His life was now mine. Our eyes met again, and I began to see: no power had left Him, nor life had escaped. He’d lost nothing by giving His blood to me. Everything He did was gain that I could be washed and freed from the death which had bound me hand and foot.
A transformation took place as He lifted me onto His horse. I was His prize who He bought from ransom; the Bride He had won in fighting my enemy and my chains. Brought to life by a beautiful Savior, I am beautiful myself. For eternity I will gaze into His eyes of purest love, and leads me now to His Kingdom Come.

Surrender

Honesty (and the Holy Spirit) compels me to say I have a fleshly tendency to think and react as though I'm a victim of life. Knowing my thoughts and reactions create a mindset with no legitimate foundation, I approached God with all my dissatisfaction (as I often do) while trying to fall asleep. He humbled me again and started working through all the deception I'd been mulling over as though it were my daily bread--a habit, I'm ashamed to tell you, has rooted back to childhood diaries.
This next part sounds almost like a vision when I write it down, but it was such a deliberate prayer and interaction with God that, if vision it was, it was not conventional. Perhaps it was to expose any hypocrisy that would get in the way of my pursuit of a new mindset.

I imagined standing in front the congregation at a Wednesday Lord's Supper after enduring some terrible calamity or having a terminal illness or something. I know--how melodramatic. Sirius probably suffered more abuse before we adopted him than I have in my entire 21-and-a-half years.

But this is what I imagined myself saying when I realized I would have to live it out concerning all the small offenses that have already happened in my life before any "huge" event would "change my way of thinkin'."

"If I want any clarity or peace in life, then I must truly put my whole trust in Jesus Christ and the providence of God. I've learned (and I'm still learning) to surrender every right I may hold legitimately as a victim or wrongly in my human defense:
"So I surrender my right to withhold forgiveness from those who have hurt me;
“My right to be bitter or angry towards these people;
“My right to hate those who broke my heart or left me exposed;
“My right to wallow in self-pity;
“I surrender my right to doubt God’s character and power for ‘letting this happen to me’; “My right to despair over certain situations and lack of control when God’s grace in these areas is enough for me;
“I surrender the very cancer of my sin that says these rights can be mine and hide its exchange for the Christ’s glory;
“The title of victim I so readily held, I give to God and take up every blessing Jesus has truly bestowed on me as a Child of God.
“I lay before the throne of God every hurt and hardness of heart that ensued, and I leave them at His feet and in His control. In prayer and in faith I take up His cross and trust in the mercies of the Almighty God I stand before, willing to extend the same mercy I receive from Him to those I used to hate.”

There is a larger view this side of surrender.

About three weeks later, a couple from our church shared their testimony at Powerline and about going where God takes you. That night (also while trying to fall asleep) I reflected on my fairly boring testimony, but surrendering the victim mindset and trying to see where God was taking me. When God tore away all the drama I added to my testimony, I began to understand the Covering of the Lord—a subject I never thought I’d come close to knowing about—and found that it was less boring and more gloriously displayed in my life than I realized. Perhaps that will be another post.

Christmas Thoughts

We did a song called I Boast No More by Caedmon’s Call on Wednesday for Lord’s Supper and again today. Here are some thoughts on its correlation to Christmas that I didn’t share Wednesday.


When we approach the manger of Christ at Christmas, I can’t but think what a poor substitute for a sea of glass and a great white throne. Yet here He is, the Son of God Himself—Jesus, as we call Him—willingly limited by our humanity and time.

With this small baby boy comes the end of an age. All the foods and coverings and traditions and sacrifices of the Old Covenant are about to end and be replaced by the work of One Man. Even in His birth we are having to learn to trust the work of this little child who can’t yet make intelligible noises and His Heavenly Father who thought this the most fitting beginning for our Salvation. This baby would be our Daily Bread, our Living Water, our Cleansing, our Covering, our Redemption and Forgiveness, our Intercession.

Do I trust my obedience to Christ to save me? My desire and effort to obey His commands wholeheartedly is definitely a fruit I only want to increase; however, its source is the “unmarrable” righteousness of Christ. My sin would outweigh every good deed and desire I have if it were not for Jesus.

Singing I Boast No More makes me confess and come this reality. I forfeit every glory deception says is in my possession that I may lay hold of the Only One that matters—at the foot of a manger as much as at the foot of the Cross.